I am sitting on my balcony while on vacation in beautiful Florida. I have just completed a meditation, and I’m inspired to write a few words on this sunny breezy Sunday afternoon. The meditation I completed discussed wishing happiness to both your closest friends, and more importantly, to those whom you may have a more complicated relationship with. I believe focusing on positivity is key to maintaining a good state of mental health. I also believe these same positive thoughts produce a good energy space to live and work in.
Think of a person you may know who elicits negative thoughts and emotions within you. There are two things wrong with this. Firstly, you are allowing someone else to change your mental well being. Secondly, these thoughts can produce a negative space for others to be around. During my simple yet powerful meditation today, I thought of different people that I share different relationships with. One was a friend, another an acquaintance, and finally someone that brings stressful energy into my life. The meditation practice discussed wishing all of these people happiness, wellness, and a life free from suffering. This really helped to put my own emotions in check, and also to be aware of the end goal. What is the end goal? Happiness of course. No matter what someone has done or said to you it’s important to realize that they have experienced their own struggles and pain. We are not responsible for their words or actions, just our own.
If we allow another to effect our mental state then we lose a little bit of happiness every moment we sit in that space. Try to let go and wish all of the people in your life well. It feels good to want joy for others. It takes love and understanding to create a compassionate world. I left my meditation in a happy state even though I was asked to think of a negative person in my life. Mission accomplished.
On that note, I wish you all happiness, wellness, and if just for a moment a little less suffering.
This post is intended to remind you about the importance of your journey
We are all on a different journey. You might have a career goal, or an educational goal like obtaining a specific degree. Maybe your goal is to have a family, to buy a house? Goals and planning are a necessity in life, we all need to think about our future from time to time, but I want to remind you that true happiness can only come from now, and should not be dependent on a goal. If you do not enjoy or find happiness in the steps you take on your journey to your goals, then you would have wasted much of your life being unhappy.
Exactly when will you be happy then? Will you only be happy once ______? Happiness comes from now, not from tomorrow. You can apply this to anything you are working toward currently. Take a moment to think about your goals. Do you feel you will be happier once you accomplish them?
What if you don’t? What if you never get that promotion? What if you are unable to finish school? What if you get sick? There are many what ifs in life, which is why it only makes sense to be happy now. Happiness should not be dependent on what you accomplish, life is always changing, and often times things don’t end up the way we have planned. It is easier, lighter, simpler to enjoy each breathe, each step, now. There will be times of frustration while you are up late writing a paper, or staying late at work, putting in extra time to get to your goals, but it’s important to always assess your life situation. Do you spend more time being happy or unhappy. If you had a few stressful days last month but overall you feel good, happy, that is fine. If you spent a quarter of your month miserable or unhappy try to see what you can do differently to improve your mood.
Perhaps you are working two jobs to pay your rent, or you could be a single mom or dad struggling to afford childcare. No matter what your circumstance, it is normal to feel stressed or worried. Life is challenging, and some of us are in situations out of our control. Not everyone is happy all the time, I understand this. There is a lot of suffering in this world, but those who suffer need people around them to lift them up. A smile, a hug, a conversation. Being grateful for what you do have, reflecting, and appreciating can help to create and instant feeling of joy.
If you know me, then you know that I am usually smiling or laughing. I’ve been this way since I was a child. I’ve found that being joyful is often contagious. If I can bring joy to a friend who is stressed, a family member who is sad, or a patient that is suffering, I have a great sense of inner joy and happiness.
I don’t expect you to go skipping through the streets everyday, I just want you to get the most out of life.
Someone once told me, “What do you have to be stressed about? You have a good job, money, you travel.” Little did that person know I was suffering from terrible anxiety at that point in my life. It was a burden which took nearly two years to overcome. I still occasionally have moments of anxiety, but I am in a much better place today. It is easy to judge someone on the outside. Keep in mind that some of us have internal struggles that are overbearing and just as difficult as financial hardships or other external struggles.
Make sure you spend your time doing what you love, with who you love.
My profession as a nurse has given me a deep understanding and appreciation for life. I often see people at the end of their lives. Let me tell you, no one cares what they look like, how thin or heavy they are, what brand of clothes they are wearing, or how many things they have. The only thing that matters to most of my patients is family. All of us will leave this world one day, and I already know when it’s my time, I will be at peace. This is because I live my life with intention; I try my best to make good choices, to be kind, and to do what I believe is right. This is one of the reasons I decided to go vegan as well. I am deeply saddened by the state of our environment and the continued abuse of animals. We need change now, not tomorrow. I wish more people felt the same, there would be a great deal of change if people chose to make changes today instead of tomorrow.
I hope I have given you something to think about today. I want all of you to find happiness. If your situation is difficult and stressful, try taking a few minutes of peace each day to sit with yourself, be grateful for the things you do have, redirect your negative thoughts to positive ones. Maybe you are grateful to be alive, to be walking, to be healthy. We all have something to be grateful for. This will create a good foundation for happiness and joy in your life.
If there were more emotional empathy, there would be less suffering.
I try to my best to understand how someone else might be feeling whenever I engage in conversations with others. It is easy to quickly become upset by a comment someone makes. When I am put in a situation where I don’t agree with someone or have a different viewpoint, I first try to understand why they might feel a certain way.
After nearly 9 years of working as a registered nurse, empathy is the one of the most powerful things I have learned. Not that I couldn’t relate to others prior, but it has truly opened my eyes. I am often times put in situations where families and/or the patients themselves become upset for various reasons. In the beginning of my career I guess you could say I was less capable of dealing with this. In response to angry comments or complains, I would sometimes find myself becoming angry or frustrated.
I began to realize that the reason the patient and families were so upset was due to stress. A family stressed by the sudden realization that they would have to be taking a family member home that could no longer walk, or a diagnosis of a new life-threatening disease. They weren’t mad at me, they were stressed, sad, and frustrated by their own situations. They were suffering. This is when I started to truly understand empathy.
All of the times nurses are yelled at by patients and families, it’s usually not personal. Everyday nurses practice empathy and this helps us get through our day. We realize that the burden of sickness is deeply stressful and overwhelming, so we can empathize. Instead of reacting with a frustrated or angry tone, I find keeping calm and remaining considerate is always the best approach. I can’t tell you how many people have apologized when I have remained calm and caring. It sometimes even sparks a conversation, and they are able to vent about their stress, they are able to suffer less.
Arguing causes suffering, try to empathize
Think about an argument you’ve had recently. Did you try to prove your point, were you trying to win? Did you take the time to see the other persons viewpoint?I find this helps, a lot.
Remember, anger is usually just sadness. And to be sad, is to suffer. You don’t really want the other person to suffer do you? To feel sad? If someone calls you a name, or puts you down, or is rude, I find a great way to combat this is to ask the person , “What was your intention when you said ……?” People usually immediately self reflect because it puts the responsibility back on them. They have to ask themselves, “What was my intention when I said….?” (Was it to make the other person sad or to hurt them? Probably not.)
Our egos have a funny way of working, sometimes they deal with sadness by trying to bring pain to the other person. Of course, we don’t want to bring suffering to our loved one or a friend. Try to see past the comments people might make. Try to understand why they might be angry, try to empathize.
The next time you are faced with a challenging situation, an angry person, try to understand why they feel the way they do before you react with anger as well. Perhaps they are just hurt, perhaps they are suffering.
As a society, we have been conditioned since birth to eat certain animals ( cows, pigs, fish) and love others (dogs, cats). This is likely the reason many of us have such a difficult time wrapping our heads around the idea of veganism. It’s as if animal consumption was never a choice really, just a part of life. I never remember giving much thought to eating animals growing up. As far as I’m concerned I’ve always loved animals, but then why did I eat them? Conditioning. Culture. Tradition. So many things tie us to animal consumption. Someone once told me “I can’t give up meat, my family would be so upset”. But what about them? what about the animals…
It’s easy to be served a burger in a restaurant and not associate a cow with it when you take a bite. We are so far removed from the process of how our food gets to us, that we just don’t think about it.
Cows, chickens and other animals have feelings. They get scared, they miss their moms when they get separated, and they feel pain.
If the only way you could get a burger was to kill the cow yourself, would you still want the burger? I assume a lot fewer people would be eating meat if this were the case. Every time we purchase dairy, eggs, meat, poultry, and fish we are in fact paying someone else to kill that being for us.
I am not trying to make you feel bad. If you do feel bad it’s probably because you’ve never thought of the foods you eat in this way, that’s ok, most people never think of this. My goal is simply to help you understand that you have a choice.
Why I’m vegan…
My journey to veganism started in February of 2016, I was watching a YouTube video about makeup, and the person was discussing cruelty-free animal products. In the middle of her video she inserted some disturbing images of what happens to animals when they are tested with the makeup and body products we use each day. I knew products were tested on animals but I never gave it much thought until I saw that video. I suddenly felt compelled to research day and night about animal cruelty. What I read and the images I saw were shocking. To this day I think “are we insane?” Is our society so blinded by its own desires for products, for things…. I know I was. I went vegetarian the day I saw that YouTube video, and 7 months later I went vegan. For those of you not familiar, this means I no longer eat animals. Veganism is more than just about the food you eat, it also means you don’t wear or use any products made with animal ingredients or tested on animals. I am still transitioning to vegan products, which I’m sure will take some time. I don’t believe in wasting the things I already have, that wouldn’t be practical. There are several other reasons I chose veganism, which I will discuss on my blog in the future.
Guilt
I still hold a lot of guilt inside about all the unnecessary suffering I contributed to for the last 30 years. Surprisingly, this has been the hardest part of going vegan for me. The emotional guilt. I also struggle with purchasing animal products for other people as well. How can you really tell a family member or friend while out to lunch, “Sorry I don’t want to pay for the burger you ordered”. Some might say, “Don’t worry about it, you are doing so much already.” I try to think about it in this way, but it’s very difficult for me. I’m happy I woke up though, that’s what it feels like. It’s odd, I think back to before, when I ate animals….it seems like forever ago, but it hasn’t even been a year.
Consider giving up just one animal product? For them?
I’ve always disliked the attitudes some vegans have towards people who consume animals. If you do eat animals, I am not here to judge you. I am here to share my feelings and knowledge. To help you see animal consumption differently. I don’t think you are a bad person if you eat meat. Perhaps you just haven’t received enough info on the topic.
If you are interested in stopping your contributions to animal suffering, try taking one animal product out of your diet. The way I see it, everything makes a difference. If you give up red meat then you are no longer paying someone to kill cows. You are also not contributing to the massive amount of water it takes to produce red meat either. Not to mention all the methane cows release which is contributing greatly to global warming.
Look for this bunny on the products you buy, it means the company doesn’t harm animals in any way
Still not convinced?
Try watching a few documentaries: Forks Over knives, Cowspiracy, Earthlings, and there is a new one up on Netflix called Food Choices. There are also many books, articles and me. If you have any questions feel free to comment below. I’m currently reading….
Compassion for all
The older we get, the more we reflect on life. I think a lot about what I want to be remembered for. Veganism is definitely one of them. I guess I feel like I found my purpose in a way. I want everyone to love more, to care. I hope someone who reads this makes a change, maybe that person will be you.
The title of this post is also the name of a chapter in my favorite book, The Power of Now ( Eckhart Tolle). I have adapted some of his concepts in my post, and I’ve created hypothetical situations in order to better explain what peace is.
To have peace is to accept what is.
Portland Japanese Garden
Unhappiness and Peace
Imagine you’re late for work one morning, you spill your coffee while driving. At the stop light you feel a sudden bump at the back of your car, yep… you’ve been rear ended. There’s no damage and you’re ok.
Think for a second the feelings you might experience. Unhappiness maybe? Most people would feel the same.
What happens next is completely up to you, yet we tend to let our egos take over.
The ego will always take the accident personally. The ego thinks that when the other driver woke up this morning, they had every intention on hitting the backside of your car…they wanted to in fact. This is obviously ridiculous, but its important to highlight how insane our egoistic minds can be. The person whose reaction is to yell, or get aggressive with the other driver has no control of his or her ego. They are simply unaware that they have the ability to control their thoughts and emotions, and that is fine.
“Fine?” yes it is fine because one day hopefully sooner than later they will wake up and realize the foolishness of their ways, and if they don’t, they will suffer a great deal in their life, which is of course very sad really.
…Perhaps this would never be you, maybe you have some control over your emotions.Yes! You’ve decided to take the high road. You smile slightly at the other driver, ask if they are ok, and exchange insurance information. But on the inside your ego isn’t quite ready to let it go. Thoughts and feelings of anger and frustration flood your mind after you continue down the road to work. Is this really a more peaceful place to be than the angry person we discussed previously? No, it is not.
Your ego can be your worst enemy on your quest to finding peace.Your ego will have “happy” moments (arrogance for example) and “unhappy”moments (jealousy). Neither of these will lead you to peace. Lets go back to the start. Peace is to accept what is. If on the outside you are angry and yelling, you are being verbal about not accepting the accident. If you appear calmer on the exterior but carry feelings of anger and frustration inside you are quietly not accepting the situation. Either way, you haven’t accepted what is, and you wont have peace until you do.
The person who calmly asks the other driver if they are ok, exchanges insurance info and then proceeds to work without any thoughts besides practical ones ( “I’ll need to call the insurance company after work” or “I’ll need to get a quote on repairs) is the person who has peace. They realize that the accident is just that, an ACCIDENT. They have accepted what is, and they move on. Beyond happiness and unhappiness there is peace.
Happiness and Peace
It is important to recognize that peace shouldn’t be dependent on your happiness.
Let’s say you’ve been wanting to go on a weekend getaway but couldn’t quite save up enough the past few months. While at work you receive word that your boss has decided to give you a bonus, suddenly you feel happy, and at peace. The check is to be issued in several days, and you feel a sense of calm and excitement all week, knowing you will soon be planning your trip.
A few days later you receive your check….but when you go home, you find that a pipe has burst and flooded your bathroom. Let me guess…no more peace?….well that was quick.
There are multiple ways someone might react, but you see where I am going with this.
In this situation, if you have peace, you have everything. You would be able to recognize and accept what has happened. The pipe burst, and you’ll have to fix it. You might even feel thankful that you now have your bonus check to take care of the repairs. You feel a sense of peace and gratitude.
There will always be ups and downs, happiness and unhappiness, life is always changing and we shouldn’t let our sense of peace and calm be determined by these events.
“Are we just supposed to accept everything that happens to us? That makes no sense.”
Practice your peace, but be practical.
I’m constantly working on maintaining peace in my everyday life. I’ve grown and feel much more in control now than ever before. Remember to start small. What is something that interrupted your peace today?
Was it the lawn mower that woke you up at 7 am? Perhaps you were very annoyed, angry even. Think of this situation a different way. You actually let the sound of a machine ruin your morning? really?
Now, if you can do something to change your bad situation, than you should. Maybe you ask your neighbor to mow the lawn after 9? why not? To have peace doesn’t mean you have to accept everything, it means you accept what you can’t control. If your neighbor respects your request, great, problem solved. If he doesn’t, then accept that it may happen again. Do your best to change unpleasant situations as they arise, and have peace with them if you can’t.
New Zealand 2016
Peace comes from within
I remember when my practice started paying off. It was about a year ago, I was in the parking lot at work, and I dented/scratched my car while parking, it was witnessed by a friend of mine. For some reason I had no internal reaction of unhappiness, it was instant acceptance for me. My friend quickly got out of her car and said “oh my gosh, how are you ok with this?, I would freak out.” I don’t think she’s alone, I probably would have had the same reaction in the past. Instead I was full of peace, acceptance. I actually forgot it happened for a day or two afterwards. Similar experiences of peace have happened to me while in unpleasant situations since then. I try to bring peace into everything I do, it makes life lighter, easier, and more joyful.
So today, if you are faced with an unplesant situation, first see if you can do anything to change it, If not, try to accept it, try to have peace.
If I could trade in the last ten years of unnecessary items I purchased, and travel instead, I would.
I’ve found that “things” i.e. Clothes, shoes, bags, makeup, tend to get old. I doubt you still sit around admiring that top you just had to have 5 years ago with the same excitement and joy you felt while you were purchasing it. Some of us are just so consumed by stuff, we end up with closets full of crap we don’t use, but swear that we will. This is ridiculous.
In some ways my closet still looks like this, but I have donated lots of clothes and items I don’t use this past year in an effort to reduce the chaos that is my closet. I still purchase things, but only if I know it will be useful in my everyday life and make me happy. Clothes and other material items are something I have reduced buying in 2016.
So why did my mindset change? Why did I start saving more for trips and less for things?
Cliffs of Moher, Ireland (photo taken by me)
Ireland!
Almost two years ago I took my first international trip to Ireland with a close friend of mine. This trip popped the bubble I had been living in nearly all my life. I’m not sure why, but as a child I never really imagined leaving this country. I felt comfortable. Small trips locally were fine, but it took Ireland to truly open my eyes to the world. It is a beautifully peaceful country with kind people and chill vibes. Endless green rolling hills filled with sheep that roam free. Life there seems simple, and calm. It was a dream.
“But I can’t afford to go on a trip like that” you might be saying. Yes, you actually can. There are so many cheap travel sites that offer great flight deals. Use apps like airbnb and stay in an apartment for half the cost of a hotel. Trust me, if you want to travel, it is possible, it just takes planning. It may take you several years to save for the trip of your dreams, but it will be amazing. Start small, think about what you spend everyday and make little changes as you go. My biggest hurdle was avoiding shopping for clothes, I used to be at the mall nearly once or twice a week. In 2016, I can honestly remember three times when I purchased clothes, and if I remember correctly, two of those times were online. Now that I know how great traveling is, I realize all the things I had been accumulating just matter less.
Get Inspired!
Go to your local bookstore and pick up a travel book on a country that interests you. You will find many tips in these books that can help with trip planning. If you’ve always dreamed of going to Europe, look into books by Rick Steves. A friend of mine recommended his books, and I am so grateful she did. My fiance and I used his books to plan a three-week European trip last year.
Now, I mention international travel, but for some this is not possible, for various reasons. Try looking into local getaways, maybe your goal is just visiting another state. There are books for this as well. Or, if you are nervous about international travel, try a 3-6 hour flight and a smaller trip first. Work your way up
Scared of Flying
I once was too, as are many people in this world. Try meditation, an app called “Headspace” has a free fear of flying meditation that you can listen to. If you download the lesson before taking flight, you’ll be able to listen to it in airplane mode 😉 Reading spiritual books have helped me better control my thoughts, and have reduced my anxiety in general. My favorite is “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, I will be discussing him more in the future. We all have fears, but try not to let your fear of flying stop you from travel, there is far too much out there to explore.
Plan today
Don’t wait any longer if traveling is what you want. Start saving today or planning today. This doesn’t mean go and book a flight, it means take a step. Decide where it is you truly want to go and make changes in how you spend your money. Don’t feel pressure to leave the country right away either, remember, you can start small. Memories are precious and priceless. The amount of money you save and spend on your trip will buy you a lifetime of memories that you will no doubt treasure forever. You’ll forget about that cool shirt you bought, those sneakers you just had to have, once your standing in front of the Eiffel Tower or taking a stroll in the rolling green hills of Ireland. Sometimes we just need a new perspective to motivate us, I hope I’ve given that to you today.
I used to, like most people, worry about the opinions of others. In some ways many of us live our lives for others instead of ourselves. I am guilty of allowing this to happen to myself as well. However, my thinking has changed, I no longer give much thought to outside opinion. How we dress, how we look, how we portray ourselves on social media is often times only done for others. The selfies, the filters, all of it.
Now, when I say care less, I don’t mean going around doing or saying whatever the hell you want with disregard for others feelings. I mean that you shouldn’t allow the judgments of others to rule every thing you do. If, for example, you honestly like a particular pair of jeans, that’s fine. But if you purchase the jeans to impress someone, to make others like you more, well that’s your ego. Your ego always wants to be better, smarter, and richer than the next person. But you’re in luck. You are not your ego. Your ego has a mind of its own, your only job is to recognize when it’s there, and then tell it to stop.
Looking back, there was a time when I felt the majority of the things I did were for others. Working out to look a certain way, buying cool clothes, and posting about every little thing. It was quite exhausting. Of course working out is great for you, we should all exercise. But when it becomes obsessive to maintain a certain image, well that’s your ego, again. Our society has created this idea that health equals a perfect bikini body. Some people don’t even want to put on a swimsuit because they don’t look a certain way. Now, if they cared a little less about the opinions of others, they might be able to enjoy a perfect day at the beach. Imagine not thinking “I hope I look ok” once, that entire day. Freedom.
So how do I do it then? How did I let all of that go? Spirituality is key. It has helped me grow tremendously over the past several years. Spirituality after all, is simply the end of suffering. I realized that I actually have complete control of what I do with my thoughts. This doesn’t mean I never have insecure thoughts, it means that I disregard the thoughts, I let them pass, or tell them “no”. This has helped me buy less stuff too! I don’t feel an obligation to keep us as much. I still buy clothes, but I discovered I feel more comfortable and happy in casual attire now. I don’t mind repeating outfits frequently either. This of course can apply to more than just clothes. I’m just giving you an example of one of the ways in which I care less.
So today, try going for comfort when you pick an outfit, what makes you truly happy and cozy. Headed to the gym? How about putting less pressure on yourself and just enjoying your work out for what it is. Social media, we can’t avoid. Today, try not posting, not checking in, or if you want to post, then ask yourself, “Why am I posting this?”
I hope I made you think about something different today. I want you to be a happier you, let go of what others think, and live today for yourself.
thepeacefulhappyvegan 