Accepting – thepeacefulhappyvegan

Love is …

July 24, 2017July 25, 2017 ThePeacefulHappyVeganLeave a comment

I’ve spent the last 6 years in the best relationship I’ve ever had, I’m married now, and excited for the our future together. People say there are ups and downs in all relationships, I agree, things come up, and you won’t always see eye to eye with the one you love. It’s important to see the bigger picture though, and to be aware of what you need or what you need to change. Be flexible, kind, and open. I’ll discuss some of the ways I approach my relationships, and the tips that have worked for us.

#1 Pick a good one

Initially you must be selfish. It’s important to be mindful of the things you are looking for in a partner. The things you want, and the things you are willing to tolerate. When you first meet someone it’s easy to be blinded by the excitement. You might even see things you don’t like and brush them aside. If you’re not looking for a serious relationship, this is fine. If you are however looking for a long term or lifetime partner, it’s crucial to see the small things too. This is YOUR life after all, and my guess is you probably want it to be happy one. When you enter into a relationship you are accepting the person as they are. Hopefully you know enough about them to be confident in your choice. If someone changes for the worse over time that is out of your control, but if there are things you dislike or know you can’t live with from the start, don’t hope or expect they will change. Pick a good one.

#2 Maintain your independence

A relationship is a great thing, two people coming together and embarking on a life journey. My journey is made better, enhanced with the person I love. Life is brighter, happier when I’m with him. I believe our relationship is healthy because we have kept our identities. What I mean is, we came into our relationship with some similar interests and some different ones. The different ones are the most important because those are what makes us individuals. Maintaining your personal interests and independence is vital in the longevity of a relationship. Don’t give anything up for anyone if it makes you happy and is a positive influence in your life. The opposite is also true, don’t make your partner give up something they love. When people enter a relationship and lose who they are, they may become too dependent on their partner. You each need to experience the things you enjoy, and feel free to try new things without judgement.

# 3 Keep Calm

This is the first relationship I’ve had where I’ve never yelled or never been yelled at. No one likes yelling, Its useless, and makes you both feel bad in the end. The approach that always seems to work for me is being honest with my feelings, as sappy and lame as this may sound to you. When you are honest about how you feel, the other person can’t really respond in anger, or yell. If you’re frustrated about house chores, money or anything for that matter, try to talk. Pile on the feels. An example would be the house chore situation. If someone isn’t doing their part, explain why it frustrates you. “ I feel alone, and overwhelmed when I have to do this all on my own, and that makes me feel sad.” This may sound dramatic to you but I’m certain the reaction will likely be a positive one. If you yell or nag at someone instead of explaining how it makes you feel, you’re likely to get the same heated response back. This is just an example though, if you’re reaction is “I’ve already tried this and it doesn’t work” refer back to #1 above. Who wants to be with someone who doesn’t care about his or her feelings, not me. If your significant other doesn’t seem to care, than you have a decision to make. You accept their behavior or don’t.

If your thinking,“It’s not that easy, we have children, a home, a life” Remember…It’s never to late to change, children or no children, it’s likely an unhappy relationship will affect your children as well. Arguments, stress, and sadness will not help your children/family, please keep this in mind.

#4 Trust
Trust is probably one of the most important aspects in a relationship. If you don’t have it, you have nothing. I believe everything is built upon this one value. When there is trust…there is calm, there is confidence, there is love. Trust can be small or big, let me explain. Small trust encompasses all the little things you say you are going to do, and do them. If dinner is at 8, be there at 8. If you say your going to finish the laundry, finish it. If you keep your word this will help you to earn small trust. Your partner will feel more comfortable and confident that they can depend on you. Big trust is a bit heavier, for example, being faithful, emotionally, and physically. This type of trust is devastating when lost. So be very careful. If your not happy with your partner, let them know, communication is your best friend in these situations. It will save both of you lots of heartache if you always remain honest with each other. Showing your partner you care and that you’re reliable will foster a healthy and happy relationship.

#5 Laugh, a lot

One of the best qualities about my love is his ability to make me laugh all time, and vice versa. Don’t take life so seriously that you can’t laugh at small quarrels or stressful situations. In fact, when things are most stressful it’s almost more enjoyable to laugh. Many things in life are out of our control, accidents happen, life happens.

Recently I was pulling my car out of the garage and hit the right side. I had a terrible headache that day, and instead of reversing and repositioning my car, I just kept driving forward. Obviously I was lacking some patience at that moment, but I called my hubby later that day and we both laughed about it. I wasn’t mad, and he wasn’t either. Why? Because shit happens!!! No one was hurt, it’s just a car. We didn’t even think about it for days until we saw the scratch, and when we did, we laughed again.

Sometimes life isn’t so light, sometimes people are sick, hurt, and during those times tears are shed, and we have sad days as well. We just make sure to always be grateful when life is good, and to enjoy as much as we can. Life is way to short to be grumpy or upset all the time, we choose happiness, you should too.

Be happy now, enjoy your journey

January 21, 2017January 21, 2017 ThePeacefulHappyVeganLeave a comment

This post is intended to remind you about the importance of your journey

We are all on a different journey. You might have a career goal, or an educational goal like obtaining a specific degree. Maybe your goal is to have a family, to buy a house? Goals and planning are a necessity in life, we all need to think about our future from time to time, but I want to remind you that true happiness can only come from now, and should not be dependent on a goal. If you do not enjoy or find happiness in the steps you take on your journey to your goals, then you would have wasted much of your life being unhappy.

Exactly when will you be happy then? Will you only be happy once ______? Happiness comes from now, not from tomorrow. You can apply this to anything you are working toward currently. Take a moment to think about your goals. Do you feel you will be happier once you accomplish them?

What if you don’t? What if you never get that promotion? What if you are unable to finish school? What if you get sick? There are many what ifs in life, which is why it only makes sense to be happy now. Happiness should not be dependent on what you accomplish, life is always changing, and often times things don’t end up the way we have planned. It is easier, lighter, simpler to enjoy each breathe, each step, now. There will be times of frustration while you are up late writing a paper, or staying late at work, putting in extra time to get to your goals, but it’s important to always assess your life situation. Do you spend more time being happy or unhappy. If you had a few stressful days last month but overall you feel good, happy, that is fine. If you spent a quarter of your month miserable or unhappy try to see what you can do differently to improve your mood.

Perhaps you are working two jobs to pay your rent, or you could be a single mom or dad struggling to afford childcare. No matter what your circumstance, it is normal to feel stressed or worried. Life is challenging, and some of us are in situations out of our control. Not everyone is happy all the time, I understand this. There is a lot of suffering in this world, but those who suffer need people around them to lift them up. A smile, a hug, a conversation. Being grateful for what you do have, reflecting, and appreciating can help to create and instant feeling of joy.

If you know me, then you know that I am usually smiling or laughing. I’ve been this way since I was a child. I’ve found that being joyful is often contagious. If I can bring joy to a friend who is stressed, a family member who is sad, or a patient that is suffering, I have a great sense of inner joy and happiness.

I don’t expect you to go skipping through the streets everyday, I just want you to get the most out of life.

Someone once told me, “What do you have to be stressed about? You have a good job, money, you travel.” Little did that person know I was suffering from terrible anxiety at that point in my life. It was a burden which took nearly two years to overcome. I still occasionally have moments of anxiety, but I am in a much better place today. It is easy to judge someone on the outside. Keep in mind that some of us have internal struggles that are overbearing and just as difficult as financial hardships or other external struggles.

Make sure you spend your time doing what you love, with who you love.

My profession as a nurse has given me a deep understanding and appreciation for life. I often see people at the end of their lives. Let me tell you, no one cares what they look like, how thin or heavy they are, what brand of clothes they are wearing, or how many things they have. The only thing that matters to most of my patients is family. All of us will leave this world one day, and I already know when it’s my time, I will be at peace. This is because I live my life with intention; I try my best to make good choices, to be kind, and to do what I believe is right. This is one of the reasons I decided to go vegan as well. I am deeply saddened by the state of our environment and the continued abuse of animals. We need change now, not tomorrow. I wish more people felt the same, there would be a great deal of change if people chose to make changes today instead of tomorrow.

I hope I have given you something to think about today. I want all of you to find happiness. If your situation is difficult and stressful, try taking a few minutes of peace each day to sit with yourself, be grateful for the things you do have, redirect your negative thoughts to positive ones. Maybe you are grateful to be alive, to be walking, to be healthy. We all have something to be grateful for. This will create a good foundation for happiness and joy in your life.

Have a peaceful and happy day 🙂

Beyond happiness and unhappiness there is peace

January 2, 2017January 3, 2017 ThePeacefulHappyVeganLeave a comment

The title of this post is also the name of a chapter in my favorite book, The Power of Now ( Eckhart Tolle). I have adapted some of his concepts in my post, and I’ve created hypothetical situations in order to better explain what peace is.

To have peace is to accept what is.

Unhappiness and Peace

Imagine you’re late for work one morning, you spill your coffee while driving. At the stop light you feel a sudden bump at the back of your car, yep… you’ve been rear ended. There’s no damage and you’re ok.

Think for a second the feelings you might experience. Unhappiness maybe? Most people would feel the same.

What happens next is completely up to you, yet we tend to let our egos take over.

The ego will always take the accident personally. The ego thinks that when the other driver woke up this morning, they had every intention on hitting the backside of your car…they wanted to in fact. This is obviously ridiculous, but its important to highlight how insane our egoistic minds can be. The person whose reaction is to yell, or get aggressive with the other driver has no control of his or her ego. They are simply unaware that they have the ability to control their thoughts and emotions, and that is fine.

“Fine?” yes it is fine because one day hopefully sooner than later they will wake up and realize the foolishness of their ways, and if they don’t, they will suffer a great deal in their life, which is of course very sad really.

…Perhaps this would never be you, maybe you have some control over your emotions.Yes! You’ve decided to take the high road. You smile slightly at the other driver, ask if they are ok, and exchange insurance information. But on the inside your ego isn’t quite ready to let it go. Thoughts and feelings of anger and frustration flood your mind after you continue down the road to work. Is this really a more peaceful place to be than the angry person we discussed previously? No, it is not.

Your ego can be your worst enemy on your quest to finding peace.Your ego will have “happy” moments (arrogance for example) and “unhappy”moments (jealousy). Neither of these will lead you to peace. Lets go back to the start. Peace is to accept what is. If on the outside you are angry and yelling, you are being verbal about not accepting the accident. If you appear calmer on the exterior but carry feelings of anger and frustration inside you are quietly not accepting the situation. Either way, you haven’t accepted what is, and you wont have peace until you do.

The person who calmly asks the other driver if they are ok, exchanges insurance info and then proceeds to work without any thoughts besides practical ones ( “I’ll need to call the insurance company after work” or “I’ll need to get a quote on repairs) is the person who has peace. They realize that the accident is just that, an ACCIDENT. They have accepted what is, and they move on. Beyond happiness and unhappiness there is peace.

Happiness and Peace

It is important to recognize that peace shouldn’t be dependent on your happiness.

Let’s say you’ve been wanting to go on a weekend getaway but couldn’t quite save up enough the past few months. While at work you receive word that your boss has decided to give you a bonus, suddenly you feel happy, and at peace. The check is to be issued in several days, and you feel a sense of calm and excitement all week, knowing you will soon be planning your trip.

A few days later you receive your check….but when you go home, you find that a pipe has burst and flooded your bathroom. Let me guess…no more peace?….well that was quick.

There are multiple ways someone might react, but you see where I am going with this.

In this situation, if you have peace, you have everything. You would be able to recognize and accept what has happened. The pipe burst, and you’ll have to fix it. You might even feel thankful that you now have your bonus check to take care of the repairs. You feel a sense of peace and gratitude.

There will always be ups and downs, happiness and unhappiness, life is always changing and we shouldn’t let our sense of peace and calm be determined by these events.

“Are we just supposed to accept everything that happens to us? That makes no sense.”

Practice your peace, but be practical.

I’m constantly working on maintaining peace in my everyday life. I’ve grown and feel much more in control now than ever before. Remember to start small. What is something that interrupted your peace today?

Was it the lawn mower that woke you up at 7 am? Perhaps you were very annoyed, angry even. Think of this situation a different way. You actually let the sound of a machine ruin your morning? really?

Now, if you can do something to change your bad situation, than you should. Maybe you ask your neighbor to mow the lawn after 9? why not? To have peace doesn’t mean you have to accept everything, it means you accept what you can’t control. If your neighbor respects your request, great, problem solved. If he doesn’t, then accept that it may happen again. Do your best to change unpleasant situations as they arise, and have peace with them if you can’t.

Peace comes from within

I remember when my practice started paying off. It was about a year ago, I was in the parking lot at work, and I dented/scratched my car while parking, it was witnessed by a friend of mine. For some reason I had no internal reaction of unhappiness, it was instant acceptance for me. My friend quickly got out of her car and said “oh my gosh, how are you ok with this?, I would freak out.” I don’t think she’s alone, I probably would have had the same reaction in the past. Instead I was full of peace, acceptance. I actually forgot it happened for a day or two afterwards. Similar experiences of peace have happened to me while in unpleasant situations since then. I try to bring peace into everything I do, it makes life lighter, easier, and more joyful.

So today, if you are faced with an unplesant situation, first see if you can do anything to change it, If not, try to accept it, try to have peace.

Category: Accepting