The title of this post is also the name of a chapter in my favorite book, The Power of Now ( Eckhart Tolle). I have adapted some of his concepts in my post, and I’ve created hypothetical situations in order to better explain what peace is.

To have peace is to accept what is.

Unhappiness and Peace

Imagine you’re late for work one morning, you spill your coffee while driving. At the stop light you feel a sudden bump at the back of your car, yep… you’ve been rear ended. There’s no damage and you’re ok.

Think for a second the feelings you might experience. Unhappiness maybe? Most people would feel the same.

What happens next is completely up to you, yet we tend to let our egos take over.

The ego will always take the accident personally. The ego thinks that when the other driver woke up this morning, they had every intention on hitting the backside of your car…they wanted to in fact. This is obviously ridiculous, but its important to highlight how insane our egoistic minds can be. The person whose reaction is to yell, or get aggressive with the other driver  has no control of his or her ego. They are simply unaware that they have the ability to control their thoughts and emotions, and that is fine.

“Fine?” yes it is fine because one day hopefully sooner than later they will wake up and realize the foolishness of their ways, and if they don’t, they will suffer a great deal in their life, which is of course very sad really.

…Perhaps this would never be you, maybe you have some control over your emotions.Yes! You’ve decided to take the high road. You smile slightly at the other driver, ask if they are ok, and exchange insurance information. But on the inside your ego isn’t quite ready to let it go. Thoughts and feelings of anger and frustration flood your mind after you continue down the road to work. Is this really a more peaceful place to be than the angry person  we discussed previously? No, it is not.

Your ego can be your worst enemy on your quest to finding peace.Your ego will have “happy” moments (arrogance for example) and “unhappy”moments (jealousy). Neither of these will lead you to peace. Lets go back to the start. Peace is to accept what is. If on the outside you are angry and yelling, you are being verbal about not accepting the accident. If you appear calmer on the exterior but carry feelings of anger and frustration inside you are quietly not accepting the situation. Either way, you haven’t accepted what is, and you wont have peace until you do.

The person who calmly asks the other driver if they are ok, exchanges insurance info and then proceeds to work without any thoughts besides practical ones ( “I’ll need to call the insurance company after work” or “I’ll need to get a quote on repairs) is the person who has peace. They realize that the accident is just that, an ACCIDENT. They have accepted what is, and they move on. Beyond happiness and unhappiness there is peace.

Happiness and Peace

It is important to recognize that peace shouldn’t be dependent on your happiness.

Let’s say you’ve been wanting to go on a weekend getaway but couldn’t quite save up enough the past few months. While at work  you receive word that your boss has decided to give you a bonus, suddenly you feel happy, and at peace. The check is to be issued in several days, and you feel a sense of calm and excitement all week, knowing you will soon be planning your trip.

A few days later you receive your check….but when you go home, you find that a pipe has burst and flooded your bathroom. Let me guess…no more peace?….well that was quick.

There are multiple ways someone might react, but you see where I am going with this.

In this situation, if you have peace, you have everything. You would be able to recognize and accept what has happened. The pipe burst, and you’ll have to fix it. You might even feel thankful that you now have your bonus check to take care of the repairs. You feel a sense of peace and gratitude.

There will always be ups and downs, happiness and unhappiness, life is always changing and we shouldn’t let our sense of peace and calm be determined by these events.

“Are we just supposed to accept everything that happens to us? That makes no sense.”

Practice your peace, but be practical.

I’m constantly working on maintaining peace in my everyday life. I’ve grown and feel much more in control now than ever before. Remember to start small. What is something that interrupted your peace today?

Was it the lawn mower that woke you up at 7 am?  Perhaps you were very annoyed, angry even. Think of this situation a different way. You actually let the sound of a machine ruin your morning? really?

Now, if you can do something to change your bad situation, than you should. Maybe you ask your neighbor to mow the lawn after 9? why not? To have peace doesn’t mean you have to accept everything, it means you accept what you can’t control. If your neighbor respects your request, great, problem solved. If he doesn’t, then accept that it may happen again. Do your best to change unpleasant situations as they arise, and have peace with them if you can’t.

Peace comes from within

I remember when my practice started paying off. It was about a year ago, I was in the parking lot at work,  and I dented/scratched my car while parking, it was witnessed by a friend of mine. For some reason I had no internal reaction of unhappiness, it was instant acceptance for me. My friend quickly got out of her car and said “oh my gosh, how are you ok with this?, I would freak out.” I don’t think she’s alone, I probably would have had the same reaction in the past. Instead I was full of peace, acceptance. I actually forgot it happened for a day or two afterwards. Similar experiences of peace have happened to me while in unpleasant situations since then. I try to bring peace into everything I do, it makes life lighter, easier, and more joyful.

So today, if you are faced with an unplesant situation, first see if you can do anything to change it, If not, try to accept it, try to have peace.

Happy New Year to you all